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Top 20 Unexpected Things That Happen When You Become Polyamorous.

Polyamory has become a buzzword in recent years with more people experimenting in it and more people feeling open to converse about it all around the world.

I was first introduced to polyamory whilst performing at the Adelaide Fringe in 2014 thanks to a wonderful collection of international performers, each from a different part of the world and each with a different experience of polyamorous relationships and how they work. Now I've been experimenting being polyamorous for nearly a year. It has been awesome, eye opening and through it I have met brilliant people, learnt more about love and have developed great relationships with those around me. The polyamorous community is a supportive and dynamic one.

However there are still lots of misconceptions about polyamory and what it entails.

CRUCIALLY - Many still assume that polyamory is just another way for people to get to sleep around with lots of people, without any consequences, without having to commit to anything. WHICH IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE, MUM.

Thus, I thought I would shed some light to those who are interested in experimenting in polyamory by writing out the top 20 things to expect.


It's pretty serious reading. It may surprise you.

*drum roll*

Elf's Top Twenty Observations On What Happens When You Become Polyamorous

1) ) You will have sex all the time.

2) Everyone will assume you have read Simone de Beauvoir. Because, she, like you, famously had sex all the time.

3) Everyone will assume you have strong opinions on Simone de Beauvoir.

4) You will start to read a lot of Simone de Beauvoir.

5) You will develop very strong opinions about Simone de Beauvoir.

6) You won't need to go to the gym. Because of all the sex you'll be having.

7) You will go to a lot more art galleries than usual.

8) You will learn that 90% of peoples' 'go to' for a first date usually involves either 'Art Gallery' or 'Nandos'.

9) You will eat a lot more Nandos than usual.

10) You will get banned from Nandos. Because of all the sex you've been having in Nandos.

11) You will become on first name terms with everyone at your local Sexual Health Clinic*.

12) You will be the most unnerving person at the Sexual Health Clinic.

Because of all the sex you've been telling everyone that you are having.

13) You will become to a few unexpected friends and social acquaintances what I like to call their "Sexual Awakening Friend Bicycle". I.E: That really shy girl from book club will get drunk, put her hand on your leg, before hiccuping "I've never had a lesbian experience before...but I really loved Orange is the New Black...."

14) People will tell you a lot more about their gynecological problems at parties than you want or need to know.

15) You will learn that everyone has their own 'home cure' on how to cure thrush**.

16) You'll realise that love is infinite and there is not a limited amount of it.

17) YOU WILL BECOME SO MUCH MORE FLEXIBLE. Because of all that sex you've been having.

18) Your parents will read your blogs and start to ask you really specific questions about your love life. Because of all the sex you've been writing about pretending to have.

19) You will have really awkward conversations with your siblings.

20) You will become magnificent at time management. It is a tragic shame that you can't put 'polyamory' on your C.V -because your ability to micro manage seeing multiple lovers, eating nandos, have sex, reading Simone De Beauvoir and looking at the new exhibit at the Royal Academy all at the same time will be impressive to all.

Other than that - it's not that different to any other relationship format.

Thanks for reading.

Love elf XXX


*Shout out to Mary on reception at Vauxhall!

** you won't be able to look at garlic the same way again.

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